Regardless of how far we’ve come in terms of technology, there’s nothing quite like the time-honoured tradition of the bar pickup.
So when it comes to getting up the nerve to try to romance a complete stranger live and in person, there’s nothing quite as terrifying.
Learning how to approach a woman at a bar takes some skill, but luckily, it does not have to as difficult as most men make it out to be.
After all, just as many men go to bars to meet women, many women go to bars to meet men (while there are many who don’t go to meet anyone, we’ll come to that at the end).
Dress for Success
The first thing you’ll want to make sure of when you’re getting dressed to go out is that you dress well. You don’t need to be wearing a suit, but you definitely want to be presentable.
Very few women are going to want to be chatted up by a Unabomber lookalike, so take some extra care to look presentable.
Before you leave the house, make sure you smell good and that you have some type of breath freshener in your pocket – whether it’s a stick of gum or a mint, you’ll need it, especially if you’re going to be drinking beer all night.
Remember that when you’re in a noisy bar, you’re likely going to be talking up close to someone – you’ll want to make sure they enjoy the way you smell. There’s nothing that turns a woman off faster than someone who smells “less than great”.
How To Approach A woman At A bar -It’s Not That Hard
When you spot someone you like the look of, don’t spend hours waiting on your next “move”.
At best you’ll end up wasting hours that you could have spent talking to an interested party and at worst you’ll look like a loner with dodgy motives (see above comment on the Unabomber).
When you see someone interesting, scan for a boyfriend or husband (or girlfriend) and then make your move as soon as possible if the person appears unattached.
This will also ensure that someone else doesn’t swoop in before you and ruin your chances altogether.
Focus on the Fun
The hardest part of learning how to approach a woman at a bar is figuring out what to say first. Most men think of this as the “make-or-break moment” and they’re right – but that doesn’t mean you need to overthink it.
Always aim for something really light and friendly – and remember to smile….and be confident Keep in mind that you’re likely dealing with a very noisy environment so it’s going to be difficult to keep a very in-depth conversation going.
The aim is to meet, establish a connection and then dive in for the number – the rest can take place over a longer period of time – and somewhere a little quieter.
With that in mind, you might want to start out with something as simple as asking her if you can buy her a drink and then follow it up with a question about what she does for fun.
This second question is a great interlude to finding out someone’s interest and it also means that you’ll get her talking – allowing you to show off those listening skills!
Make her Feel Good
As the great Maya Angelou once said, people won’t always remember what you did or said but they’ll remember how you made them feel. You might think of this as your chance to shine, but you need to make sure that you give her some time in the sun too.
Forget about complimenting her on her looks alone – get a little deeper and you might notice a huge difference in the outcome of your “game”.
Sincere compliments such as “when you talk about (insert subject here), you really light up and it’s great to see that” can do wonders for someone’s ego and it will mean a lot more than hearing “you look hot in that skirt.”
Keep in mind that sometimes, learning how to approach a woman at a bar is more about sincerity and less about playing the “dating game” than you might imagine.
Bring Exciting Date Ideas into the Conversation
When you know what her interests are, it’s easier to think up some quick and exciting date ideas that you can bring up in conversation.
If she’s really interested in hiking, for example, you could tell her how much you’ve always wanted to try indoor climbing – if she agrees, suggest you try it together!
What makes this strategy all the more effective is that without even planning to, she’s played a role in choosing your first date along with you.
Getting the All-Important Number
When learning how to approach a woman at a bar, many men seem to think that you need to wait until the very last minute to ask a lady for her number but this certainly isn’t true and sometimes it can take a lot of the nerves out of the situation and help you to relax once you have it.
The moment she’s shown an interest in seeing you outside of the bar situation, you have an “in” to ask for her number.
Whether you hand her your phone and ask her to type it in or type it in yourself, be sure to use this opportunity to pin down her name – there are few things worse than forgetting someone’s name ahead of a first date.
Lastly, when you’re learning how to approach a woman at a bar, it’s important to remember that there are going to be times when you “strike out”.
Some people might already be in relationships and others might not be interested in a relationship at all – and worst of all, some people might not be interested in you specifically.
But that’s okay because with enough time and practice, chances are that someone will be and striking gold with the right person is often worth striking out with dozens of others.